"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"
~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Sad Valentine's Day Not

It's Valentine's Day!!!...and I'm sitting alone in a basement, eating crackers for dinner and spilling crumbs all over my shirt, procrastinating studying for a quiz, and scouring facebook for the 8979283492th time looking for cool/funny memes or video clips I may have missed in my previous sweeps of my newsfeed. I am so cool.

I've always liked Valentine's Day, even though I've only had a valentine once. It's not Singles Awareness Day, it's I Don't Need a Man to Complete Me Day!! The holiday for wearing as much pink as I want, buying myself exactly the gorgeous bouquet I wanted, buying a huge box of luscious chocolates and eating the whole thing myself without having to share, partying it up with the girls, doing my hair and dressing up just because I'm worth it, listening to girly love songs all day, drinking Martinelli's, making myself a nice dinner, watching a good sappy chick flick, and just all around being a girl and loving it because why shouldn't I?! Best holiday ever!

just one of many "I don't need a man to complete me" day parties

And now after many many many years of singledom, this year I actually HAVE a valentine! And he is wonderful :) And I love him more than I ever imagined I could love someone! And he's the best person to ever come into my life! Sometimes I'll be doing something and the thought will randomly just hit me "oh my gosh, I'm married to TREVOR!!! I love that guy!!!!" and then I just can't stop smiling :) People probably think I'm crazy sometimes.

Soooo...in theory, this should be the best Valentine's Day ever, right? Well that was certainly the plan! I was going to wake up early and clean things up and make him a delicious breakfast, then he was going to study for a couple hours and take a test while I played with my new camera that was supposed to come in the mail today, and then he had some surprise planned for tonight after we exchanged gifts! He didn't tell me what it was, just that it involved food and something else, and it was going to be wonderful evening!!

What actually happened...I was robbed!!! School, work, studying, stress, and exams stole my Valentine! Murderers of love!!!!!!!!!!!

Trevor's car broke so he took my truck to work last night, so I didn't end up doing last-minute Valentine's Day shopping like I wanted to. He finished his shift and got home at about 4:30 am. I like it when he comes home :) Then he told me regretfully that school was going to require even more of his day than he expected, so we decided to do our official Valentine's Day outing on Saturday instead. I did still end up waking up earlier than him and cleaning up the kitchen and bathroom while listening to cheesy love songs and making him this breakfast according to plan, and it was absolutely scrumptious if I do say so myself :)

heart-shaped fried scones from scratch with fresh strawberries. yum!

I ate a piece of chocolate cake with left-over homemade cream cheese icing while I was making them and waiting for them to rise (no one was around to tell me "no" and it was just sitting there begging me to eat it)...so I wasn't super hungry when I finally woke Trevor up, but I did steal a few bites off his plate :) Our lovely breakfast was intruded upon by the need to study, so we ate in the living room where Trevor could be at his laptop while eating. I watched a chick flick on Netflix. You Again. I actually thought it was hilarious! 

Then I spent the afternoon gorging myself on those gloriously fatty, delicious, deep-fried scones, perusing the internet, scratching Trevor's back, and waiting in vain for my camera that never came in the mail. A few hours later and I sent Trevor off in my truck again to take a 4-hour really hard Physics test with 2 peanut-butter and honey sandwiches for dinner instead of our outing. 

And so, here I am. Home alone on the evening of Valentine's Day, with a sick belly full of way too much cake and scones and nothing healthy all day, bored, not being productive, I haven't even showered or put on makeup today, and I'm covered in cracker crumbs because I was looking up the progress of my camera online and it's coming from Ritz Camera which reminded me of Ritz crackers so I opened up a box and started eating them absentmindedly. I've eaten at least a third of the sleeve, which is actually quite a lot for my small-capacity stomach these days. 

But you know what? None of that really matters because I have a wonderful husband who understands the importance of priorities, and he is putting the larger picture elements of our future (aka the doors that will be opened by having good grades on his transcript) before shirking duty for a fun day off. And that is probably the best Valentine's Day present I can think of :) Also, the fact that I can afford to spend a whole day being bored is an indicator of us having it pretty good! Who in their right mind doesn't dream of having a free day? And if not being showered with gifts and attention and a fun date today were the biggest of my worries, that just goes to show that my worries are pretty small. Not to mention the fact that I've managed to stomach all that food without ending up in the bathroom for a couple hours trying not to puke is pretty amazing! I definitely should have been nicer to my body today, but the fact that it could handle it with only moderate-minimal nausea seems like a good sign.

And when it comes down to it, I didn't really miss out on anything at all. We're just having Valentine's Day on the 18th this year instead of the 14th so we can celebrate all weekend instead of on a school day when I have to wake up at 5:30 the next day anyway. So now we get even more time to celebrate, and extra time to plan our gifts! Plus, all the stuff goes on sale tomorrow...:D Sounds pretty good to me!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Once Upon a Camera

The moral of this story: He who waits is blessed. As long as he does his research too and doesn't settle.

Once upon a time I decided that in my spare time while I'm not busy with school, kids, or a full-time job, I should occupy my time by getting a hobby. Like learning photography! The thought is pretty daunting though. I mean, the equipment is really expensive, and there's just soooo much to learn both technically and artistically, plus all the computer editing and lighting stuff and goodness knows what else that I don't know anything about. Staying in my "ignorance is bliss auto point-and-shoot" happy zone certainly sounds much safer!

So I got all discouraged about it and decided to leave it alone. And then I went to a Christmas party for Trevor's fellow acoustic BYU friends, and happened to share a table with someone else who was in my same boat a year or two ago. With her happy life-time of dance and social life abruptly ended by pregnancy and graduation and all those other good things that happen when we grow up, she suddenly had free time and no artistic outlet. So she bought herself a used camera, read every book on photography at the library that she could get her hands on, and practiced practiced practiced, and she LOVES it!

So then I got all fired up again! And we started camera searching for entry-level SLR's and asking input from sales clerks, and fellow photographer friends, looking up online reviews, comparing specs, trying to figure out exactly which things would be important and which ones didn't matter...etc. and finally I had it narrowed down to about 5. Then I got stuck again, and couldn't decide which one. People kept saying to just hold them and choose which one felt the best, but honestly, they all feel about the same to my inexperienced hands. I had 2 favorites in my mind, but they were the 2 most expensive of course, and they were out of our price range.

I stayed in that rut for a good month or two and just didn't worry about it until Trevor got me going again and we narrowed it down to a first place and second place favorite. We started looking on KSL and google shopping to find some better deals that were in our price range. And then I found it! A slightly older version of the camera I wanted, for just the right price! So I texted the girl selling it...and it was already sold. Blast. Interestingly enough, it turns out I had seen her ad awhile earlier and contacted her about it while it was still available, but then I wasn't sure enough and didn't ever get back to her. A couple weeks later and I had forgotten it was the same person...and of course it had been sold by then, she just hadn't taken down the ad. Missed that boat.

A week later I checked again and found the exact camera I wanted brand new for a little more than I wanted to spend, but still ok, and he only lived like 5 minutes away from us! He said another someone else wanted it too, but if they didn't buy it he'd sell it to me! Yay! I browsed a bit more and found the second place camera I wanted, also brand new, for a great price! Crazy! So I contacted him and said I was interested enough to buy it...but I wanted to hear back from the other guy before I committed.

The next day I got a text and the second place camera had already been sold while I waited for the first guy. So I texted the first guy, and he had already sold it and just hadn't texted me yet. Ugh! I was kind of just wishing I had jumped on the second place camera while I had the chance, or just texted the first place camera guy as soon as I saw the posting instead of double checking specs and making sure it was what I wanted. But that's not what happened.

So I continued my search for deals. And then I found it. Exactly the camera I wanted, refurbished (so basically like new), with the kit (lens, extra battery, tutorial DVD's, memory card, camera strap, yada yada), for sale by a camera store nearby that offers free beginning photography classes with the purchase of a camera, and with a 1-year extended store warranty covering any accidental damage (from water and dropping it too!), for $350 off, and free shipping!! Sold!!!

So now I'm really really glad that none of those other deals I thought I wanted worked out, because now I got the actual camera I want instead of an older version, it's for a better deal than I found online, it's from an actual camera store instead of just some random person's camera, I get a couple free classes, aaand if something happens to it, I'm covered for a year :)

The hard part now is waiting patiently for it to come in the mail!...Well...that and the fact that I still have to learn how to use it :) I can't wait!

The EGD Adventure!

I made it!!! And it really wasn't bad at all, just like everyone reassured me it wouldn't be :) I'm a lucky girl to have such a wonderful support team of friends and family who love me so much!

I spent the morning trying to stay as calm as possible as I showered and got ready and everything. I think I did a reasonably good job actually. Then Trevor gave me a blessing, and we got there a little over 5 minutes early for my 12:00 appointment. A couple sheets of paperwork and about 15-20 minutes later my wrist was tagged and I was changed into a gown and lying on a hospital bed in my own little room. I spent a lot of time just waiting and waiting. The nurses or techs or whatever their exact title is were really friendly and happy, which was great because I wasn't exactly. They took my pulse, blood pressure, and set up my IV and then I just waiting for what felt like forever (45 minutes maybe?).

One of the patients I help with at my internship works for doTerra, and when he found out yesterday that I was having this done and how nervous I was, after we were done with his physical therapy session he went home, got me some samples of 2 different essential oil blends designed to help you calm down, and drove all the way back before my shift ended just so he could deliver them to me. He even brought me his diffuser from home to use, and made a second trip to drop off some empty gel capsules that he forgot the first time. This world is full of so many wonderful generous people, it just blows my mind! I put some of that on under my nose so I could smell it and hopefully stay calm while I waited. My legs were shaking and I was freezing - especially my hands - but I was successful in not working myself up into a nervous tizzy and making myself sick like I was afraid I would. Yay!

I was hoping they'd let Trevor come in with me and hold my hand or at least be touching me or something. He makes me feel safe. But he had to go to campus to meet with someone about figuring out taxes, and they wouldn't have let him in the room while they were doing the EGD anyway.

The waiting was the worst. Just laying there in my room alone for what felt like forever. I brought a book to read, but I decided I'd rather put all my energy and concentration into staying calm. When I get stressed and agitated my pulse starts racing and adrenaline gets pumping and I get nauseated. So I just laid there and tried not to think about the itchiness and overall weird feeling of the IV in my left elbow. Thinking about blood and veins and injections and bodily fluids makes me woozy. The nurse that put it in also gave me a heated blanket so I could stop shaking. It felt so good and reassuring! It cooled back down after a minute, but I was definitely still glad to have it!

I spent some time looking at the blue plastic hospital bracelet/band around my wrist too. It had my name and a bar code printed in black, and then my name again, birthday, age, and some numbers in raised letters like a credit card all on this little plastic military dogtag looking thing slipped into a little clear sleeve in my wristband. Nurses had asked me my name and birthday like 5 times already, and every time I almost accidentally said my maiden name. I really hoped that if they asked me while I was drugged up, I wouldn't say the wrong name and mess things up, or that they would at least check my wristband to figure out what was going on. In hindsight was kind of a stupid thought. Of course they know better than to put all their stock in a drugged patient! And of course they knew who I was. And I'm not even quite sure what I thought I would mess up by telling them the wrong last name when my charts and everything were all around anyways.

Mostly I just stared blankly at the pattern on my gown and tried to force-calm myself and smoother any anxious anticipation by telling myself over and over that I was ok, and everything was going to be fine.

Finally a new nurse lady came in and said they were ready for me! Gah!! Then she started asking me questions everyone else had already asked me and I had already answered in the paperwork. My name (I said the right one :), birthday, what I was having done (that turned out to be a good question...she asked me to confirm I was having a colonoscopy. haha um, no). As she was talking to me she pulled up the sides of my bed like a crib, and wheeled me out down the hall to the room where the EGD would be done. haha It's a good thing I wasn't nauseous since she wasn't the best driver ever and my bed went a little crazy and ran into the wall on the way.

And then she asked if I was allergic to soy. Yes I am. I hadn't written it on the paperwork though since I had already included a nice long list of allergies and it didn't seem relevant. Well it turns out that was a problem. The sedative they use has soy proteins in it. Soooo we could use it anyway and run the risk of me having an awful allergic reaction or not being able to breathe or something awful like that, or not use it and try something else instead. And the sedative was the part I was most worried about to begin with! More force-calming and dissociating with the situation to try to stay OK. She said we'd wait and discuss it with the doctor when he got there.

The lady that wheeled me in and another girl pushed my bed into a corner with a big monitor and a lot of hospitaly-looking machines and they put me on oxygen, put three sticky pads on my chest and attached some clamps connected to wires, put a pulse clamp thing on my finger, and I think they put a blood pressure sleeve around my arm too. One of the machines beeped with my heart beat. I could tell exactly when I started getting more nervous because it would beep faster. I tried to breathe slowly and deeply for awhile to slow my pulse back down, but it ended up racing while I was breathing in (breathing deeply while on oxygen for the first time is kind of weird) and then beating slowly while I was breathing out every time. It was kind of funny actually, and I almost laughed but I wasn't really in a laughing mood.

They told me there was a high school student who came to observe and asked if it was alright with me. I saw him out in the hall a minute earlier while the lady was explaining the soy dilemma and crashing my bed into the wall. If I remember correctly he had nice thick mop of dark brown hair and thick framed glasses, and looked pretty chill as he looked at something on a board in the hall. I told them it was fine, as long as I didn't die and nothing terrible happened to me. They laughed and said nothing would.

Then the doctor came in. He seemed pretty happy to see me and asked if I was Alice's daughter. It turns out he is my mother-in-law's doctor! That was comforting, knowing I was in good hands :) He asked if I ever drank soy milk; I told him no. Then he told the ladies what to do about the sedative. I think he said to use something else, but I'm not really sure. I was just trying to stay calm. Then they had me roll over onto my left side and they put the white plastic thing in my mouth to hold it open. My lips and mouth were really dry, probably from fasting for over 12 hours and being nervous. The plastic thing made it hard to swallow since I couldn't close my mouth. The lady that put it in told me they were going to start putting me to sleep and that I would want to clamp my teeth down on the plastic thing as the drugs started working, but that I needed to not do that or it would pop out and she'd have to wrestle it back in and it wouldn't be fun. I closed my eyes and tried to relax and not bite down, and she held it in my mouth while the other lady was doing something that must have involved touching my hand, which were tend to start to close stiffly into fists when I get nervous. I remember her saying "aww she's so scared! Just look at her hands, they're so cold and clammy! Poor thing!" as I laid there with my eyes shut trying to be calm and not worry.

And then Trevor was there! And there were yummy drinks! And all the doctors and nurses and techs and machines and the high school student were gone and I was back in my little room again! And I wasn't scared anymore! And I wasn't sick! It was awesome!

I tried to talk to Trevor for a bit, and then I got a text. Trevor handed me my phone and it was a notification from facebook. Some people had commented on a picture, but my phone wouldn't show me the picture. Trevor pulled up facebook on his phone and showed me two pictures of a girl in a hospital bed.

I didn't get why it had notified me of someone else's picture and I asked who it was. Then I realized it was me and I was like "what?! When did you take those?!" Apparently I had asked him to take them just a couple minutes earlier. Haha oops. Drugs. He said he kept telling me to smile for the pictures...but I had a hard time...apparently.

My memory of the next bit is a little fuzzy. I know I told Trevor about the soy fiasco, the doctor also being his mom's doctor, the student observing, the white plastic thing, and that that I asked him how the taxes meeting thing went at some point. I also remember drinking lots of grape juice, and that as a nurse lady was leaving I asked her if it was ok for me to go to ballet that night, and if I could keep my plastic wristband identification tag thing.

She smiled and told me yes, it was mine to keep, and after she left Trevor just started laughing at me and said I had asked her that 3-5 times already. Haha apparently I really really really liked that wristband! So in honor of my drugged-up self's request, I still have it on :) Me and Trevor stayed there for a bit and talked while we waited for the sedation to wear off more. Every time I told him something or asked him something he'd laugh and tell me how many times we had already had the exact same conversation, I had just forgotten already. We took another picture too, since I didn't really remember the first ones.

My eyes are still pretty dead from the sedation, but at least I remember this one better :)

Then we went to Zupas for lunch! I was doing a lot better at being myself, but looking back I was still pretty drugged up. I kept looking at the menu and getting really confused, so I finally just ordered something. Fortunately it was something delicious!! My grape juice was basically gone, but I still took my styrofoam cup in with me and kept sucking on the straw. I remember thinking I should tell the guy behind the counter making the food that the drink was mine, I didn't steal it from there, and that it was empty anyways so he shouldn't worry...but I didn't. Thank goodness! I think I did run back down to where he was while we were checking out to tell him something because I was afraid he was going to make me too many sandwiches or something. I'm not quite sure.

Then we went back home and I drifted in and out of dreams while watching a couple episodes of Bones with Trevor. He's such a good sport :) I love that guy!

So yep, there is my long recount of my EGD adventure! As far as results go, they're still waiting for results about if I have Celiac disease, but everything else showed my body is perfectly healthy. No answers. Just a lot of worry and money for nothing :/ But all in all, I'd say the experience was much more in line with my best case scenario than my worst case scenario. And now I can say I faced that scary situation and conquered! PLUS I got a yummy cup of grape juice for FREE!, now I have an awesome plastic wristband thing with my name and birthday on it, I got an excuse to have a hospital date with my Trevor and get a delicious meal from Zupas, there are some awesome/awful drugged up pictures of me on facebook for all the world to see, and my shiny new Nikon d5100 is in the mail headed towards my house at this very moment!!!

I'm definitely glad I got that over with, and, now that it's done, it really wasn't bad at all :)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

13 Hours from Now...

In 13 hours from now it will finally be over. My long-anticipated (with much anxiety I might add), possibly miserable and terrifying, very expensive, and hopefully answer-containing esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD, basically an endoscopy) will finally be DONE. 

A month or two ago I wrote a post about being more scared about what they would find in the procedure than going through the procedure itself. 

Well, that's not the case anymore! I'm pretty freaked out! I've read some pretty awful-sounding reports of other patients who woke up choking and gagging, had bad reactions to the medications and had panic attacks or muscle spasms, very painful sore throats lasting for days, very inconsiderate doctors who wouldn't listen to the patient, the 'twilight sedation' (it's supposed to put you in a partly awake state where you obey the doctor's commands but don't remember a thing after) resulting in being completely awake and aware but with subdued reflexes and no ability to respond to or communicate that they were choking on the scope or gagging terribly. Awful stuff. That's not the norm though.

From what I understand anyways, it's a pretty short thing. You go in, they hook you up to an IV and partially sedate you, they spray some really nasty stuff down your throat to numb you and calm down your gag reflex a bit, you lay on your side, they put a white plastic thing in your mouth to hold it open and keep you from biting the scope, and then the doctor pushes a tube with a camera on one end to the back of your throat and tells you to swallow (reportedly the worst part and the most gaggingly part) and then slides it on down inside your esophagus and into your stomach and intestines. Then they look at stuff and take biopsies of the tissue, pull the scope out, and within like 20 minutes you're done. Then you just have to sit around an hour or two until the meds wear off and have someone drive you home. 

Best case scenario: I go in and don't freak out or get sick from nerves, normal stomach random nausea stuff, or the fact that I haven't eaten or drunk anything for the past 12+ hours or that I can't take any meds for nausea. Then they plug me into the IV and I wake up after it's all over and don't remember a thing, don't have a sore throat, don't have stomach distension from having air puffed into my stomach from the procedure, and don't have any nausea or lingering effects from the sedative or procedure. They find the cause of my nausea, prescribe me meds or some sort of treatment to cure it, and I get better and live happily ever after!

Worst case scenario: uh, just use your imagination. I'm terrified about going in feeling sick and having it be worse from being nervous. The partial sedation really scares me too. I woke up a few times while having my wisdom teeth taken out even though I was supposed to be completely sedated, so I don't know what this partial sedation will be like for me. I'm also super scared about having the white thing in my mouth. I hate having things in my mouth making it so I can't close my mouth or swallow or do whatever it is I want to do to feel less nauseous. And having something pressed down into my throat and having to swallow it while hitting my gag reflex when I'm already not feeling good at all...NOT COOL! And there are tons of other things that could go wrong too, and there's always the reasonably good chance that they won't find the cause of my nausea and it will all have been a huge expensive waste of money and an unnecessary toll on my emotional health from worrying. I just really really hope it goes well!

But, even if it's scary and awful, in just 13 hours it will be OVER!!!!!! And me and Trevor found a great deal on a good SLR camera that I want, so we're going to buy it as a reward for getting it done :) And we're going to go to Kneaders for dinner to celebrate! Oh man, I wish I could just fast-forward to after the procedure! But since I can't, I'll just keep reminding myself that I can do hard things! And I'm sooo close to getting through one more!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

How Did I Ever Manage this Every Week-day for all of High School?

I'm supposed to be asleep right now. I was actually supposed to be asleep more like 2 hours ago. My body doesn't seem to understand the concept of falling asleep before midnight though. I've been lying in bed trying hopelessly to fall asleep for a good long while now.

Why, you ask? The owner of the Physical Therapy clinic my internship is with asked me to start coming in from 7 am-1 pm instead of 2-6 like I've been doing. That means I get to wake up at 5:30 so I have time to eat, get ready, and drive all the way out there. Yay! It's like being in seminary again!

Oh man, I am sooo not a morning person. I'm the girl who stayed up until past 5:30 am 2 days ago...(cool story, more on that later), and who LOVES sleeping in till noon as often as she can. But, now it's time to be responsible and get myself up and shining in the wee hours of the morning!

It'll be good. I bet I'll end up being more productive in the long-run. I'm not very good (ok, actually not good at all) at doing meaningful things when I stay up super late like I like doing. It's more like time to spend/waste on facebook, Pinterest, blogger, browsing KSL, watching Drop Dead Diva, Cake Boss, White Collar, or Psych on Netflix, or whatever to entertain myself while Trevor does homework sitting next to me on the couch all night. Plus, the fact that I'm going in for a longer, earlier shift means I'll be getting more hours at my internship, which means more experience. Also, there are more patients in the morning, so it'll be like a crash course, and it'll open the door for me to be ready at the time they'd want me if I ever end up moving up to Senior Assistant or something cool like that. Handy isn't it?

It'll mean my sleep schedule is not matched up with Trevor's at all though. Especially on nights when he works until 4 am...and I'll be on schedule to wake up an hour and a half later. That'll be sad. But there are certainly worse things, and that won't be the case every night.

I just wish I could fall asleep already!!! I'm going to be sooo tired tomorrow, but hey, at least I tried to go to bed early!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Changing my View

I found this on Pinterest.

Ideas for a photo a day to give you inspiration and motivation to keep you snapping away with your camera all month long! Well, I don't have a nice camera yet, nor do I know how to use one assuming I were to get one in the near future. BUT thanks to some inspiration from a brilliant friend of mine, I have decided to use it as inspiration/motivational ideas for a blog post a day! And I can always still take pictures with my little old pink Kodak easyshare to help tie things together, but the emphasis will be on the blog post, not my lack of photography skill :)

That being said, time to get started!

So, back-tracking to February 1st, the topic is my view today.

um. I'm embarrassed to admit...

...things have gotten pretty bad. (Note: the honeybear on the piano is empty and cleaned and washed out thoroughly, and awaiting placement in the "things we don't need on our counters or in our full cabinets" box. The piano is in no danger from it, no worries :) but I'm not really sure how it ended up there...it's the first thing that's getting moved)

No time like the present! I'm going to change my view and up-date it later tonight :)

btw, I'm madly in love with this quote!!

So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about. ~ Marilyn Monroe

I'm pretty much in love with this quote! Probably because I love smiling, my life is beautiful, and I really do have so much to smile about :D

Once Upon a Wednesday

Once upon a Wednesday, a certain young lady wasn't quite the best wife ever. Her full-time student husband who was also doing research and bringing home the bacon was up doing homework until the wee hours of the morning were starting to become the larger hours of the morning, but she still slept in later than him.

Then while he was at school and working and running around like crazy all day, she went to her unpaid internship for 6 1/2 hours and had a blast. Then she got home and was very very hungry, so she ate some of the leftovers from dinner last night. Then she was still a little hungry and the food was delicious, so she downed the rest of the leftovers. Then she felt sick from eating too much food too fast, so instead of doing the dishes from last night and tonight and cleaning up the huge mess she made preparing the dinner the night before, she plopped down on the couch with a trashcan and started watching TV to distract herself from her nausea.

Around 8:30 her husband FINALLY finished his crazy long horribly busy stressful day and came home...to a superbly messy kitchen, no dinner, and a wife lazily watching TV instead of being productive who was unable to respond to his re-telling of his exciting events of the day because she was focused on not puking into the trashcan in front of her. Poor poor boy.

BUT, just 10 or 15 minutes after her husband came home, she finally belched several times and started feeling better! And she baked up some delicious chicken cordon bleu (uh, however you spell that) for him and re-listening to all his exciting news about the internship he probably will get (finally! an internship!! yay!!) and was happy and supportive and started looking up how long it would take to drive from Ohio to Maryland for visits, and all that good stuff :) And then she let him take a nap while she did the dishes...except it turns out the dishwasher is broken again. But she loaded them anyway so they would be out of sight at least, and promised to wash every single one by hand the following day since she didn't have anything planned all day. And then she let her husband nap some more before returning to the battle against his homework monster, and gave him a back-rub. So she wasn't too too bad of a wife after all :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Journaling: Not for the Faint of Heart

Lately I've been typing up one of my mom's handwritten journals so she can have a digital copy. Right now she is the young mother of two girls - me and my older sister (ages 4 and 6) - and the wife of a working student pursuing a phd. Not gonna lie, most of her entries are a bit on the dry side. There are a couple rare exceptions, but it's really just a simple description of a few things that happened with an occasional emotional response (it was fun. I enjoyed seeing her. etc.) instead of a gripping or entertaining story of life. But you know what? Now it's recorded! And she was very good at journaling several times a week, if not every day. And now as I read it, it brings back memories of my past.

Some of them aren't preserved in my mind quite how they are documented...(for example, my mom wrote about how we made dolls, watched ET and ate Reese's Pieces, and me and my sister had such a fun time...but I remember not even finishing the movie because I was too scared, crying and being terrified that ET was following me around everywhere for weeks, and both hating Reese's Pieces for 10+ years and being afraid of the doll my mom made for me during the movie because of the anxiety I had surrounding that experience), but that just makes it even more fun to read. I also get to find out fun little stories like my 6-year-old (at the time) sister confessing to my mom over lunch one day "Dad says we need to repent of every little thing we do wrong so we can go to heaven. I guess I need to repent. I took Karin's shoes, and I'm still wearing them". And I'm still only on page 20! I can't wait to find more treasures!

All this has got me thinking too...I need to be better at documenting my life. That was kind of the goal of starting this blog anyway. A little bit of frills and accountability to work as motivation.

But my blog is getting kind of boring. I mostly just talk about being sick it seems. And who wants to read about that? And who wants to think about it long enough to sit down a write a blog post about it? Someone who feels owned by it, that's who. I've been getting a little too caught up in what I can't do because I don't feel well, and I haven't been able to see my life through the symptoms. Time to change! I found a blog this evening while researching symptoms and feeling sick and sorry for myself (all regular occurrences) and I just fell in love with this entry here. Exactly the words I needed to hear. Or read. Whatever.

It's going to be hard to write about what happened each day without talking about being sick, especially when I don't do a lot of things because I don't feel well enough to do them. But I'm going to try :) Starting now!

So, today was my day off! I slept in, but I still woke up before Trevor. He worked until 4 am, so he was pretty tired today. I have the hardest time getting out of bed when he's still fast asleep, and I usually end up walking him up like 10 times talking to him, hugging him, shifting positions, sending a text, scratching his head, or whatever because I just want him to wake up and be with me! Fortunately he's a good sport :) I did eventually decide to be nice and let him sleep. I really didn't do too much today. It was a nice lazy day. Kind of boring too. I practiced the piano for a bit though. I was asked to play for a Relief Society board meeting this Saturday. And I cleaned up the messy kitchen, and made some yummy creamy pasta sauce for our rigatoni, meatball, spinach creamy sauce dinner! I didn't end up going to ballet tonight though. I'll have to do that tomorrow. aaand I kept my basil plants alive for 1 more day! Yay! I'm really good at killing basil plants it turns out. These two are my 6th and 7th in less than 2 years, and they're not looking so good even though I've only had them for 3 days. I'm really not sure what my problem is, but I really hope they live because I LOVE fresh basil!

Anyways, I'm tired, so there's my contribution for today. Happy Tuesday! (Wednesday now I guess)

A Step...Sideways?

I went to see an allergist last week like my doctor suggested. I didn't really expect it to be very useful, but is it bad to say I almost hoped they would find a dairy, wheat, or some other allergy? At least then I would know why I am sick and be able to start feeling better again. No such luck. The allergist even told me he's really not sure why my doctor sent me to him because my symptoms don't sound like a reaction to a food allergy at all. I showed him the food log I've been keeping for the past 2 months, and the list of foods I generally associate with feeling sick. Didn't ring any bells for him. He still tested me for like 20 different foods (which I had to pay per food for even though he didn't seem to think it would even have any results...I feel a bit ripped off). The results: a mild soy allergy, a very very mild rye allergy, and a very very very little bit of oat allergy. Nothing to merit my symptoms. Blah. About all I learned from the experience is that I should go elsewhere for answers. The allergist and his nurse also informed me a couple times that I am very skinny. That's not very helpful information either.

Oh well. On the plus side, one more small piece of the puzzle has been solved. Now, to add to the pile of "not"s, we know it's not anemia, it's not solved by taking more fiber, it's not gallstones, it's not a gallbladder infection, it's not a vertigo issue because of a blockage in my ear canal, it's not any defect in my organs that could be seen in the pelvic ultrasound or the abdominal ultrasound, it's not a food allergy (intolerance maybe though?), and it's not because I'm overweight.

We'll get there someday I hope. And my EGD is in less than a week now, and I'm going to start seeing a specialist who will hopefully take me more seriously than the doctor I was seeing before. After that, next on the list is some bloodwork, testing for celiac, looking into the psychosomatic anxiety route, and then seeing a natural healing doctor. Moving right along I guess.