"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"
~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Faith to Leave Mountains

Over the past year or two I have discovered that when my stomach is on the fritz, reading my scriptures is a good way to try to calm down and attempt to distract myself while I wait it out. It's really hard to concentrate when I feel like I'm about to throw up, but at least it's something.

Right now I'm a few chapters into the book of Acts. That means that during the past many many many episodes of intense nausea, I have been reading about the miracles of Christ, and the miracles of the apostles after His death and resurrection. Faith and healing are everywhere. Faith to be healed, thy faith hath made the whole, He healed as many as were sick, power given to the apostles to heal the sick, arise take up thy bed and walk, healed immediately, He healed all their sick and afflicted...there are tons of references I could quote. That's all good and inspiring to read, but as I sit by the toilet feeling utterly miserable hour after hour, over and over, it's hard not to wonder where my miracle is.

I don't believe for one minute that miracles have ceased to exist! Of course miracles still happen today! I don't expect Christ to suddenly appear and personally heal me; miracles can happen in other ways. We believe in the gift of healing. I have had a few priesthood blessings seeking counsel and to be made well. Modern medicine itself is a miracle, and I've seen 4 different doctors over the years, and had several follow up appointments and tried various medications and diet changes. And I most definitely believe that this little plague of mine can be taken away, either by some incredible event or by simply being lead to the right answers and treatment.

So why haven't I been healed yet?

Faith to move mountains, ask and ye shall receive, with God all things are possible.

But I'm still sick.

Because I guess I'm learning another kind of faith. The kind of faith to trust that not all mountains are to be moved. Some of them have to be climbed. And the trust that God isn't abandoning you just because He is not immediately (or even a couple years later) giving you what you think you want so desperately. Faith in the bigger picture. Faith that, even though your prayers seem to have gone unanswered for years, they are still being heard. Faith that God has a plan, even when you don't understand. Faith that God loves you, even when it's hard, and that He helps his little climbers scale their towering cliffs even when it feels like you are braving the cold harsh conditions alone, inadequately equipped, and scared.

Faith to not be healed...and to be able to accept it.

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