"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"
~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Monday, October 17, 2011

I Have a Problem

I have this problem...well many in fact. One in particular that has been on my mind lately though. I get all these ideas and I get sooo excited about them! Just thinking about them makes me want to jump up and down inside and they nearly consume my thoughts. I can hardly wait to get started and push full steam ahead!!! But I'm a dreamer, not a doer. Or a finisher. My time gets spent in this euphoric ambitious goal-setting head-in-the-clouds escape from reality mode, and I tend to think I have all this potential and drive, and then I take a step back and realize, wow. I'm 23, a university graduate, and I work retail and hate it. I'm not getting anywhere. I only only work 25-30 hours a week, and I still don't seem to have time to do dishes, get looking good every day, eat even just 1 or 2 fruits or vegetables a day, write wedding thank-you cards, sort through old junk, or even make my bed some days...well, more like most days. And on top of that, most of my minor obsessions seem to fade in a matter of months - sometimes even days - so I'm not exactly even sure what I'm really excited for, or if it's worth pursuing since I might not even care about it later.

(Another problem that I have is writing these ridiculously long-winded posts...but I'll work on that one later :)

Right now my big things I'm excited about are baking cute stuff

( I made both of these this past week for fun:)
 improvised caramel apple spice cupcakes with nuts

 devil's food cake mixed with cream cheese frosting, shaped into cupcakes and dipped in candy coating

and photography. I'm not good at either, but I would LOVE to learn! I don't need to explain why I'm in to baking and decorating at the moment; it pretty much speaks for itself! And I can seriously spend hours looking up photographers online and going through their portfolios, or looking at friends' wedding pictures, or whatever. My dance photo shoot with a local photographer was less than a week ago, and I'm already scheming up ideas for another shoot I want to have (a soft ballerina bride shoot) with another budding photographer who is offering a 1-hour shoot for just $35 while she's building her portfolio, and I would absolutely love to be able to play around with ideas, personalities, lighting, props, scenery, etc. and create some magical shots of my own for other people someday!

Luckily, it doesn't take too too much money to bake cute treats. Well I guess technically that depends on how crazy you get with it, but I have enough supplies and books to keep me happy for the moment. A good camera is a completely different story. And learning how to use it is even more time and money, not to mention other software and equipment. And actually ever being good at it...well that's a long long ways in the future, if ever. And I'm not even sure if I'll still be excited about it a couple months down the road.

So I guess what all this really boils down to is that I'm bored with the rut that I'm in right now, and I'm not quite sure which path to take onward and upwards because I keep thinking I know exactly which way to go, and then a couple weeks later I don't even care about it and I have a new idea I'm all excited about. And in the meantime, I'm getting nowhere, doing nothing, and failing at all these basic easy day-to-day things that should be happening.  It's like the sky's the limit, but I don't have a plane ticket, so I just stare at the clouds all day and don't get any closer to buying a ticket...or even doing anything else productive for that matter. Ugh. Frustrating! (ok so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration; my dance performance is in 2 weeks! So I am living at least one of my many dreams, and loving it :)

Like I said, I have a problem. It's a personal challege that I've struggled with for awhile, and especially this past year or two. I'm not quite sure how to fix it, but I do know what I plan to do next.

First, and most importantly, I'm going to follow this council of President Ezra Taft Benson in this talk, "We must put God in the forefront of everything else in our lives. He must come first, just as He declares in the first of His Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me". When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities".

So from now on, no facebook until after a sincere personal prayer and a good long dilligent scripture study! Every day! Then I can get some of these consuming ideas that don't last to drop out of my life, and help fix the priorities of things that need to get done.

And I'm already in place to start an internship for personal training and physical therapy starting in January, so if I love it, great! If I hate it, then I'll know and I can move in another direction. And in the meantime, housework first, then dreaming about new goodies to bake, or looking up photography stuff. And once I've found a camera that sounds like a good realistically priced one, and found a class or workshop that sounds like a good option, and saved up enough money for it (by Christmas maybe?) if I'm still interested by that point then I'll think about pursuing it further, and if not then I'll have lots of extra money! Yay! Victory for everyone!

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