"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"
~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Friday, September 16, 2011

I'd Rather Be...(insert something other than "at work")

I had a revelation today; I hate my job. Fortunately/unfortunately there are enough pros about my job to have kept me there for the past year and a half, and to make staying there still seem like a plausible option. So I guess what it boils down to is that I can either suck it up and keep slogging through and enjoying the good parts, or I can quit and get a different job I want more and risk losing the pros and potentially also hating my new job. That sounds a little uncharacteristically pessimistic coming from me, but this is real life and I'm looking for real happiness, so aiming for a realistic perspective seems more productive than a falsely optimistic one.

So here is my list of pros and cons as I try to figure out my best course of action.

!!Disclaimer!! This is not intended to be a bash on the company I am employed by. They are awesome, treat their employees exceptionally well, and I HIGHLY recommend them as a student job! These lists are things specifically from my personal experience that might not pertain to other people/personalities/departments/whatever, plus I'm long done with the student job phase, and I'm hoping for a more ideal career-type job.

Reasons to stay:
- excellent pay. I would be hard-pressed to find this good of a pay rate somewhere else with my useless degree and lack of work experience
- BENEFITS! Insurance is a MUST with my unwell stomach predicament, and my husband is working a student job with no benefits at all. This is probably the largest reason to stay. Loophole: I am covered under my parents insurance for the next few years and by then Trevor will probably have a real job. That still leaves Trevor without insurance till then though. Plus only having to pay $3 a prescription refill just can't be beat.
- it's a great workout. It keeps me skinny and strong :) I definitely do NOT want to have a sedentary desk job or something where I for sure will get super fat.
- fast-paced means not bored. I spent enough time standing around doing nothing and being almost bored to tears working as a cashier to know that I am absolutely and utterly miserable under those conditions.
- it's reliable. It's a good solid company that is doing very well for itself, and there's not much danger of it going under and laying off employees
- once I leave, it will be practically impossible to ever get rehired because so many other people are just dying to get hired there
- I actually do enjoy it sometimes, just not all the time.
- I almost always enjoy my coworkers. We've had lots of laughs and some good deep insightful conversations sometimes.  
- It's more enjoyable than other things I could be doing? Like being a cashier, pushing carts, doing construction, slaving away trying to understand computers or math, changing diapers at an old folks' home, driving a pizza delivery car...etc. 
- location. It's close by, and ballet and grocery shopping are basically on the way.
- it's what I know. I don't like starting new jobs and having to learn everything and be the useless new hire. Staying is safe.

Reasons to leave:
- I don't like not having a regular 9-5ish schedule, and I hate that I have to work Sundays sometimes. Granted the past month or two have been very consistent and very ideal shifts and I've been loving it! I get to sleep in, and still be done at a decent hour! But that isn't the norm.
- I smell gross and look gross after work every day without fail. 
- There are maybe 2 coworkers that I would even consider aspiring to be like. There are definitely individual qualities in all of them that I admire and wish I had, but none of them are really living my idea of a dream life. None that I know of anyway. And overall I quite honestly don't want to be like many of them. So...that's another pretty good indicator to me that this isn't my ideal dream career. You're supposed to inspired by your superiors.
- I'm not using any of my talents. There is no natural way for me to excel. Ballet, ballroom, piano, making things look cute, girl talk, smiles, stuff related to my degree, foosball, girliness...nothing. Package the food. Go faster. Shut up and obey. Be a machine. If it doesn't get done right, take the blame. Do it all again tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. It could easily be done as well or better by someone with much less education, and significantly less time and emotional investment in the arts, and basically someone very unlike me. I'm just a waste of a sunshiney girly girl when I'm there.
- I'm not interested in working retail as a career. I don't want to be a supervisor or manager. There is no ladder of success in this field that I want to climb, it's just a dead end. 
- I'm not happy. I'm just not. There are definitely moments, and occasionally the majority of a work day that's good, but usually it's just a convenient source of income and benefits that I have to endure for a couple hours and then I can go home and do something else I'd rather be doing.
- my manager has a rigid "no" policy when it comes to discussing scheduling, which is not entirely his fault. Policies are policies, and you can't make an exception for one person and not another. That wouldn't be fair, and I understand that. Some requests do seem reasonable enough to be met with a bit more understanding though, at least from my perspective. For example, there is no need to give a girl a hard time and try to make her feel like a greedy selfish hog for requesting a week and a half off for her own wedding, just because July happens to be a busy week at the store. Just saying. It also makes things ridiculously frustrating when I can't plan on doing any of the things that I really want to do (ballet class, yoga, ballroom lessons, ballroom competitions, ballet performances, piano lessons, photo shoot, education week, or anything else that also has a schedule) because I am required to have all hours of every day of the week available for my 24 weekly hours to be scattered sporadically through. I can't even ask for, say, Tuesday nights after 7:00, or whatever. It's pretty frustrating.
- it's really stressful a lot of the time, and I do not respond well to stress. Spending all day stressed doesn't do good things to people, especially me.

So what do I do now? I don't really know exactly, but the plan is to update my resume, and turn in applications at absolutely every place that I think might have comparable pros, and less cons, pray a lot, and hope that I'll find something that will ultimately make me happier! We'll see if I'm actually successful at finding a better option, but I'm feeling unusually hopeful in my quest at this moment, and maybe something will actually work out!

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